Saturday, in the park, I think it was the fourth of July...

well, not really, it's the 30th of August. Packed today. FUN! Then I had a headache but some caffeine and chocolate seem to have taken care of that. However, a gal left a comment that my new template doesn't appear to be valid. :( So hopefully I can get that fixed without having to get yet another template! Anyway, time to go, Shrek is on HBO!!!

HUZZAH

I am very happy to report that my bank has corrected their error and put the $298 back in my account. Now maybe if I keep my mouth shut and send this paperwork in that they are mailing to me, they'll credit my account another $298 without realizing what they've done. One can only hope. Plus I got paid today so it *appears* like I have all this money at my disposal. Sigh... if only it wasn't all spoken for already...

Too Funny NOT To Share

More Google searches that have brought viewers to my blog. I'll just share two from the last 24 hours because I think they are funny:

trucker sex signals
"putting out on the first"

Now just what trucker sex signals are, I'm not sure. Maybe I need to do a Google search and find out.

The Best Thing Since The Internet

In the beginning, there was spelling. And lo, it was bad. Oh ye of poor spelling fell on hard times. For the high and mighty could spell properly, but many could not. And then, there came Spell Check. And the masses rejoiced. But then, came the Internet, and with it, weblogs, message boards, and other text areas. And none could Spell Check. The evil that is misspelling fell upon the land as those burdened with sloth did not spell correctly. And others copy and pasted text from text areas to programs that could spell check. Then one day the heavens opened and all the people of the land were graced with IESpell - a small program that spell checks text areas in MS Internet Explorer for those unburdened of the lesser program, Netscape. And lo, all the land rejoiced.
ieSpell - Spell Checker add-on for Internet Explorer

Searching... Searching...

Interesting searches used to find this blog...

fuckerware party

Live internet TV stations of france for adult

+"third date" +tips

bump on roof of mouth goes away

and of course the obligatory "Jolie's Nipples" apparently that is still bringing in the masses. How disappointed people must be. I would post a nude pic of myself, but that would just cause my hits to plummet...

Why why why???

I called my bank on Monday, August 4, 2003 to place a stop payment on an automatic debit that would becoming through on August 19 or 20. They said they'd take care of it. Not to worry. Flash forward to August 19. Guess what? It went through. I call my bank back. They said that there was a stop payment on it, it just needed to "go through the system" and it should be fixed shortly. OK, no problem. Flash forward to today. I check my account online. Debit is still there. Still no fix. Call bank. First person hangs up on me, thanks a bunch, Robert. Second person, Barbie, helps me out. She's not sure why it didn't go through, but now says that I need to fill out paperwork, which she is going to send me, to rectify the situation. Fabulous. In the mean time I have checks that are bouncing, stuff that can't go through, etc. etc. No biggie, right, it's only $298. I've got extra cash lying around, so, really, no problem to be short $300 this month. I'll just patiently wait while you figure this whole thing out. Now, you may be thinking, why not switch banks? I've been with this bank almost a year. The two other banks I've used (one was a credit union) had similar problems. I know people are not perfect, and thus, businesses aren't, but why must you act like someone being short $300 is no biggie? I suppose if they've got a grand in the bank and only $300 of it is missing and another $10K will be deposited soon, it's no big deal, but for those of us living paycheck to paycheck it IS a big deal. I so did not need this right now. The whole thing with Jason moving out is stressful, no matter how you look at it. I'm worried that he won't have a place to live and that he'll have to give up the dog to a shelter. Plus I'm PMSing. Plus I'm late on rent, and obviously won't be able to pay September either. I rent from my grandma so it's not like she's going to kick me out but last time I talked to her I got to hear this story about how she has "a touch of osteoporosis" and needs to take a medicine that costs $10/pill. This weekend is a holiday, and invaribly we'll be going into the city by her for a BBQ so I'll have to tell her that no, I don't have last month's rent, nor do I have this month's rent. At least I have an excuse, right? Thank the Gods my PCP upped my dosage of Prozac a couple of months ago.
This seems like a great opportunity to do some cyber-begging. If you would like to contribute to the "Sabrina is so flat ass broke she can't even afford generic Mac & Cheese" fund, please do so via PayPal.

Five Questions!!

It's the newest, craziest, grooviest blogging game! If you would like to play along and have me interview you... the following rules apply:

1. If you want to participate, leave me a comment saying, "Interview Me."
   
2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person's will be different.
   
3. You will update your journal with the answers to the questions.
   
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
   
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

My particular interview comes via Sassy, who's got some sassy questions, I might say. But I might say anything, it's my blog after all.

1. What scent or smell reminds you of something significant in your past, and why?
   The smell after a warm rain reminds me of my grandmother's in southern Illinois. Probably because it always seemed to rain right before we got there.
   
   
2. Are you superstitious? Do you have any rituals or sayings that get you through a tough situation or prepare you to do something?
   Depends on the thing. Black cats, opening umbrellas indoors, that doesn't bother me, but I do knock on wood or throw salt over my shoulder if it gets spilled.
   
   
3. What is something you wish your parents or any grown up had told you about as a child that you learned on your own as an adult?
   As if I would have listened. :) Certain things you only learn the hard way. I do wish that someone had told me NOT to spend all of my social security benefit money.
   
   
4. Do you keep your photos in albums?
   Some of them.
   
   
5. What's in your purse or bag right now?
   My wallet, my PDA, lipgloss, cell phone, Advil, Pepto Bismol, Imodium AD, matches, mirror, calculator, comb, and my work ID. Also, misc. crap.
   

and, because i can, i'm asking all my interviewees this bonus question, because i'm a complete and total dork:

What is your favorite Katharine Hepburn movie?
Oh geez, this is the part where I admit that I've never actually seen a Katharin Hepburn movie. sheepish grin

Mall Wart

I have to go to Wally-World after work. Cover me, I'm going in deep. I hate Wal-Mart. I hate being at Wal-Mart. If I'm there, I'm generally mad about it. I'm going to try to get in and out as fast as possible. Wish me luck. Where did I put my camo?? Oh well, I can pick some up there...

Nature

The building I work in is on a very wooded lot. We're surrounded by trees, and it's very pretty. We often see deer in the woods outside the office and sometimes they even come up to the building. This morning as I was walking in a deer was near the front of the building, munching on some crab apples - or that's what I think they are. I stood for a while watching her, but eventually she got spooked and ran off. I'm sure she'll be back though.

Do you ever get Deja Vu? I do, all the time. If you've never had it, it's the sense that you've been somewhere before. Usually I have the sense that the exact sitation I'm in right now has occured before. Generally I get the sense that I've dreamt it before. That happened on the way in to work today. I was listening to my book on tape and it said something about an Aes Sedai on a leash. Now, if you've never read Robert Jordan's The Wheel of Time series before, you haven't a clue what I'm talking about. But anyway, I KNOW I've dreamed that before, and long before I knew what an Aes Sedai was. When I have a lot of Deja Vu over the course of a week or so it generally means something "big" is going to happen. But not always, and this was only the first, so we'll see. I shall keep you posted.

Things I'd like to say to my roommate but won't

Don't let the door hit you where the Gods split you.
Drinking out of the milk carton is gross.
You suck your thumb when you sleep.
You could wash the dishes too, you know.
There is no reason to spend 45 minutes in the shower every day.
You may not like my father, but you and he have A LOT in common.
I think the reason your cars fall apart so readily is because you don't take proper care of them.
I don't owe you anything, OK?
Get over it.
Shoulds and woulds don't build bridges.
Not everyone likes to listen to raver music at 3AM. Especially when they are trying to sleep.
If you don't like Star Trek it's your problem, not mine.
It won't kill you to change the toliet paper roll.
Why is it you think that I'm supposed to clean house AND pay all the bills? How is that fair?
How is it that your money is your money but my money is our money?
Your dog likes me best.
Tuna is for cats.
Yes, it IS nice that I go on vacation, I work for it, and I deserve it.
Fuck you.
Why do you always think I'm in a bad mood unless I really am?
Get some friends your own age.
I may leave empty pop cans around, but at least they aren't half-empty, and they aren't Hot Pocket sleeves either.
If you leave your socks in the living room and the dog chews them up, don't yell at the dog.
No, I won't miss you. I will miss the dog.

Hey wow, it worked!

Druid
In history, Druids were the religious, learned and magistral class among the Celtic peoples, who lived mainly in the British Isles, and in parts of Gaul (now northern France). Druids were also great prophets and poets. Druids worshipped the forces of nature by means of meditation, prayer, and celebration of the Earth, Sea, and Sky. Druids also see not only a Great Mother Goddess, but also a Great Horned God. Together, they created the world and everything in it. Some Druids believe in reincarnation, while others believe in an afterlife that is inhabited by the Gods and the Faeries; said to be the first worshippers of the Goddess Danu. (hence the name "Tuatha De Danan", or, "people of the Goddess Danu".) Some of the Deities of this religion are: Danu(Creator Goddess, Mother Goddess), Cernunos (Creator God, Horned God), Arianrhod (Goddess of the Stars, Reincarnation, Lady of the Silver Wheel), Dagdha (God of Druidism, Writing, Poetry, Knowledge, the Earth), Brigid (Virgin Huntress, Goddess of the Sacred Fire, Protector of Children), and Cerridwen (Keeper of Souls, Goddess of Reincarnation).

Which Pagan Religion Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

NEWS-FA-LASH

FYI to all parents out there: Your kids are NOT the center of the universe. If you don't like what's on TV then don't let your kids watch it. Kids programming is for the daytime, adult programming is for the evening. If you want your carpet sharks to watch Teletubbies at 9pm/8pm central (when they should probably be in bed anyway) then pop in a freaking video tape. Or better yet, why not, oh, I don't know, read to them, spend time with them, instead of expecting the TV to raise your spawn.

CNN.com - Parents group: 'CSI' is TV's worst - Aug. 21, 2003

I should say that this isn't for all parents. I know plenty who are damn good at what they are doing but unfortunately, I don't think they are the majority.

Let There Be Light!

This may seem like a small thing to some people. However, I have been living without a ceiling light fixture in my bedroom for nigh on two years now. I am happy to report, it is FINALLY fixed! Not only do I have light, but I have a ceiling fan to boot. Oooooooohhhh Ahhhhhhhh And of course the cat is fascinated by this. Something spinning around and oh, look, dangling things, I wonder if I can reach them... Only bad thing is now I can see all the dirt and cobwebs clear as day.

Happy Friday! Vote Quimby.

Appliance Adoption
I would really like it if a TV knocked on my door and asked to be adopted. I'm not willing to get Comcast cable for it, but I would still like it. In fact, if anyone knows of a homeless couch, dishwasher, washer, or dryer, I'd be happy to give them a home. Send them my way.

Like Oh My God!! That Skywalker guy is like soooo cute!
Check this out. It's funny. I guarantee.

I'm an idiot
My shade fell off of my window the other day. I've been trying for days to fix it but every time it seemed like it wasn't wide enough for the window. I knew that couldn't be because the thing had been in the window for years and if it came out, it had to go back in. Turns out, it's adjustable - I just needed to pull the side out a little bit. Must have done that in the fall.

Other people are stupid too
If you're going to sign up for an all-day training class for work why don't you do the crazy thing of actually paying attention instead of surfing the net and IMing your friends? You know, rather than asking me every five seconds what you just missed because you can't pay attention? Yeah, you know who you are.

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

Including those you do for yourself. Yesterday, as part of my cleaning regimen, I got together the mounds of laundry that have been piling up since time immemorial and took them to the laundromat. I even stayed up late to make sure that everything was folded or hung up and put away properly. I was determined NOT to live out of a laundry basket. You may not understand the sense of accomplishment I felt, but I was pretty proud of myself. Fast forward to this morning. I'm picking out clothes (clean ones) out of my closet (and they're actually hung up on hangers) searching for the clothes I wanted when the closet bar apparently becomes too heavy for the wood it was resting on and crashes down the closet. Luckily I've got a lot of crap at the bottom of the closet so nothing ended up on the floor. :) Sometimes it pays to be a slob. So, I spent all yesterday afternoon cleaning and at the humid laundromat, nearly passed out, (mental note: drink more water) and this is what I get for my troubles. Sigh.

Later this morning I was at the gas station filling up before I headed to work. I hit the wrong Octane level (sorry but my four-banger just doesn't need Plus or Premium) had to cancel out, and when I pulled the pump back out of the tank it hit the gas cap holder, knocked the cap onto the ground, where the cap promptly rolled under my car. Not to either side of the car so I could easily bend over and pick it up, oh no, but to the middle of the car, so the only way to get it was to pull the car forward. Ugh. It's a good thing there was plenty of Pepsi in the fridge at work this morning.

In other news... Jason got a job. Woo! It's at a hotel in town, doing auditing and other stuff. He's done this before and has liked it. He started on Saturday and is back to work today. I hope it works out for him.

Cleaning

Among the things I don't like to do, nay, hate to do, cleaning is on the very top. Why do I hate doing it? I don't know. But I always have. I envy people who love to clean and who's houses are always tidy. That's just not me. Unfortunately usually stuff piles up until it gets to the point where it has to be done and then I'm stuck. No choice but to unbury myself. Sometimes I just wish I had less stuff then maybe I wouldn't have to clean as much. Sigh. Feel free to contribute to the Get-Sabrina-A-Maid fund.

Fair(e) and Balanced

By shear title of this blog, I am Fair(e) and Balanced, don't you think? OK some days I can be unbalanced, I'll admit that. But Fox, now there's some unbalanced people. Yes, the freaks that brought you such great works of entertainment such as Who Wants To Marry A Millionaire and Temptation Island is now suing Al Franken over the title of his new book, Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them: A Fair and Balanced Look at the Right read all about it here:
Fox Suing Humorist Al Franken Over Phrase
Now, by no stretch of the imagination am I a "liberal" or a democrat. However, I'm also not a republican. And I like to make fun of both sides equally. This is just plain stupid. I think I'm going to trademark "intoxicated or deranged" and sue Fox over the use of it. What do you think?

the friday five

the friday five

1. How much time do you spend online each day?
   
   Too much, a few hours probably.
   
   
2. What is your browser homepage set to?
   
   My Yahoo
   
   
3. Do you use any instant messaging programs? If so, which one(s)?
   
   MSN, Yahoo, ICQ, AIM - but I use Trillian
   
   
4. Where was your first webpage located?
   
   On my ISP's servers
   
   
5. How long have you had your current website?
   
   Depends on which one. This one since June 18, 2003. My LRP site has been up since late spring.
   

For the DUH Files

I would like to share a snippet from this MSNBC article about yesterday's power outage in the East.

Television stations [in Detroit] told viewers not to drive unless necessary.

I'm sure this was bit of information was incredibly valuable to all the people watching television during the power outage. Probably right after the downloaded the news off the internet and fixed dinner on their electric stoves. Thank the Gods for the media!!!

Roommate Update

Jason has two interviews today. He also may have a place lined up to live. I don't like to jinx stuff though, so that's all the details I'll give for now. :)

I made it to work uber-early today. Before 7:30 even, and normally I'm here at 8. Maybe I'll leave early to make up. :) Bossie isn't in today or Monday. In fact, no one is here yet, but me! On my team anyway... One gal is on vacation, another has Fridays off, another works from home on Fridays, but that leaves two others that should be here already. Oh, wait, one just showed up. A half hour late! I should write her up. Except that she's a manager. Oh well. If I had known traffic was going to be so light this morning I would have slept an extra 1/2 hour. :( Darn it.

This weekend I am going to Gail's Bridal Shower. (Note to self: Pick up Gail's gift) After that I am going to a Surprise party. Have you heard of these? They are women only home party shows, kind of like Mary Kay or Tupperware. Only the items that are sold are "adult". Fuckerware, I like to call them. Should be a good time. Perhaps once Jason's out and I've settled everything I'll have one of my own. :)

Almost Famous

Wooo! I got mentioned on Acidman's blog. Blogging fame and celebrity, here I come!!

Sabrina Morning News

A friend of mine claimed awhile back that even if she did read my blog I'd never put anything "important" on it. She said I'm usually so tight-lipped about stuff going on in my life that there'd be no way I'd put it on my blog. Well, I thought I'd prove her wrong.

My roommate of three years, and ex-boyfriend, Jason, is moving out. Those of you who know me well probably know Jason. No matter what you may think of Jason, I will not disparage him. I know that, deep down, he is a good person, and I've only wanted the best for him. I've tried my hardest to help him out, but I'm at the end of my rope. So, under pressure from my checkbook, and from my father, I've told him that he needs to move. I was willing to give him til the end of September, but he said he'll be out by the end of this month. I don't know where he'll go, and neither does he. Ideally, I think he should live with his parents. His dog, Raven (who I will miss desperately) would have 5 people to look after her and a big yard to run around in. That's my own personal opinion. He also mentioned, though I think in anger, that maybe it was time to move to Texas by his grandmother. I think that would also be good for him, though I wouldn't get to see Raven. I do want what is best for him, as I want for any of my friends, no matter their faults, but I also have to demand what's best for me. He got a couple of call-backs from places he applied at recently, so hopefully he will have a job soon and will be able to find a place that will accept the dog. That will be the hardest part as she's not small, and many places that take dogs will only take small ones. We'll see how it works out though.

So there Christine, something written on my blog about me that isn't "fluff". Happy now? :) You better be reading this since you're at home and slacking all week.

This pretty much sums it up

Doonesbury@Slate - Daily Dose Gee, sound familiar, y'all? I didn't do it on purpose though...

OUCH

So last night I'm petting Raven, the 70lb 1/2 Lab 1/2 Belgium Sheepdog. And of course, she loves attention and gets quite excited about it. So I'm petting her, telling her she's a good dog, all while standing, and bending over to pet her. Then she decides that she has not made enough sudden movements today. She jerks her head up and slams it right into my left eye. I know she didn't mean to do it, but it still hurt like hell. It's still tender, but not bruised, and it doesn't hurt as much as it did, but it's still an injury. Feel sympathy for me, won't you?

Nip it in the bud

OK, since my last "Angelina Jolie's Nipples" update, FOUR more people have found my site by searching Google or Yahoo for Ms. Jolie's Nipples. People, you've got waaaaaaaayyyyyy too much time on your hands. But while you're here, why not click on my PayPal link and send me some cash?
Here's what I bet is really happening: Picture Billy Bob Thorton sitting in a dark room, smoking a cigarette, drinking some Kettle One, wearing tidy whities, a dirty baseball cap, and three days beard growth. He sits at his computer, the only light in the room, scouring the internet for pictures of his ex's headlights. He keeps hitting on my site. Dissappointed, he searches every other day but, due to the Kettle One, is forgetting that he's already been here several times, and he comes back.
Billy Bob, if this is you, and you are reading this, I know you've got some cash, so why not throw some my way, OK? C'mon, help a fellow American out. You want me to go back to school don't you? I gots bills to pay.

Good Morning

I don't want to go to work today. I want to go back to bed. As it stands, it's quarter after 6, I have to leave in no less than 30 minutes and I have not gotten dressed, brushed my hair or teeth, washed my face, or anything. What am I doing? Screwing around on the computer. Oh, and it's garbage day, so I have to get all that together before I leave as well. I suppose I should hop to it. Oh well, it's bagel day at work so that makes me happy. **does happy bagel day dance**

One other thing... I opened a *gasp* brokerage account last night. You know, for stocks n stuff. Wow. I think I'm almost an adult with that move. I have to sign some stuff and send it in. Oh and move all my stocks over there. Hopefully it will go off w/o a hitch. I don't know much about stocks and all that jazz so maybe this will force me to learn. I do have stocks, not that I bought any of them, either I got it when my company went public or I inherited them from my mom. OK time to go to work now. Please post stock tips in the comments section.

#1 Reason Not To Rely On "Complete Idiot's Guide to Burglary" by Goldilocks

First he tried the floor, but that was too hard. Then he tried the bed, but that was too soft. Then he tried the sofa, and that was JUST right.
Police Nab Napping Burglar

And in other news
Hogan Would Be Proud... Col. Klink never even saw it coming.

Ladies and Gentlemen! The Rogues!

I can't believe I forgot to blog about these guys. We saw them at the Ren Faire yesterday. They were fabulous. The name of their band is The Rogues, they're a Scottish drum and bagpipe deal. Very cool. If you're in the area, go check them out. They tour the country so maybe they'll be by you soon enough. They're from Houston, TX if that makes a difference to ya. :)

They just make it too easy for me

I just had to share this one. Here's a response to a personal ad I got. Now, keep in mind, this is an old ad, I posted it probably a month or two ago and I haven't updated it since. It's also on a "free" site so don't feel bad for this guy because it's not like he plunked down $20 to talk to me. Anyway, let the games begin:
Right off the bat, this guy's e-mail is a no-no. I won't tell you what it is, but let me just say that it refers to him as both male and sexy. Here's the text of the e-mail.

Hi
How are you?
you look very pretty in that picture.
which suburb are you from?
What nationality are you?
I would appreciate your e mailing me your pictures.
I am from XXXXX area.
Have a nice day.
Hope to hear from you soon.

First off, I said thanks for saying I looked pretty in my picture. I don't agree, but that's my own issue to deal with. Secondly, not sure where he was going with the "nationality" thing... the ad says I'm a "SWF" so I told him I was Irish/Scottish/English/German. That's the best I can do my family was on the first boat for crying out loud. Now here's the kicker... "I would appreciate your e mailing me your pictures." Really. Well. Isn't that interesting. Good for you. I'm glad you'd appreciate that. I told him "You first" I mean, c'mon, he's seen one of mine and he doesn't even offer to send me one of his? Who does he think he is? That's not how it works, buddy. I'm not your personal porn farm. Here's another thing. No run-on sentences in this e-mail but does anyone else get the "See Dick. See book. Read Dick, read." feel from this? Those carriage returns are not entered by me, that's how he sent it. I'm beginning to think that there are no good men left.

I really should be in bed now...

went to the Ren Faire today. We had fun. It was hot though. OK, not hot really, only about 80 degrees and not too much humidity but enough. Plus with the sun beating down it added up. This was the first day all summer I've spent outside doing more than just laying around enjoying the weather. I think that had something to do with it too. Oh. And I forgot to drink water. So I was dehydrated and miserable. Just a note: No, 80 degrees really isn't that hot for Chicago, but combined with all that above, makes for a bad headache. But I'm doing good now. And the Faire was fun. Off to bed now, must go to work tomorrow. :(

S.W.A.T. - A Review

So I went out and saw S.W.A.T. last night. As I've said of the other movies I've seen recently... it was "OK". It was a good action flick. A little predictable though, and the plot has been "done". Perhaps you've heard this tale before? Straight-laced doesn't-really-know-what-he's-doing captain demotes maverick cops. Halfway through movie, maverick cop is re-promoted by new maverick team leader against straight-laced captain's wishes. Maverick copiness ensues. Maverick cops get bad guy. Straight-laced captain takes credit. Maverick cops ride off into sunset looking for more bad guys. Yeah, it's been done. I didn't spoil the movie for you, believe me. Unless, of course, you've never watched a movie involving cops, military personell, or anything else based on rank. So would I see this movie again? Hmm. Maybe on cable, I probably won't pick up the DVD though. Should you go see it? Sure, why the hell not. Get there early though, it seemed to be popular and we were crammed in one of the smaller theaters right next to strangers, and I like a buffer seat or two myself.

Good Lord, I Hate Egg Salad

So why am I eating it? I'm hungry, and it's free. Besides the pepper and bread mask the gag-reflex taste, so I'm OK. Plus I have an Eskimo Pie for dessert. Yum! Well it was Egg Salad or Turkey. YICK! I really don't like Turkey. You can't put enough seasoning on it to get it to taste good. Yes, I'm a picky eater, I know it, but what can I do?

Considering Running For Governor of California???

Let's think about this. Odds are, you aren't going to win. Not unless you're a bigger celebrity than Arnold and have better political connections than he does. (psst... his wife, Maria Shriver, is a Kennedy cousin) And unless Angelina Jolie is searching the internet for her own nipples, I don't think this blog gets that kind of visitors. OK, so let's say you're thinking about plunking down the cash, heading out for the flake state, and running. First off, why would you want to move there? Have you been to California? Those people are nuts. I have a good friend that lives there, and I fear she's being sucked in by the locals. They can't drive for starters, I mean they are worse than Wisconsinites, Minnesotans, and Floridians COMBINED. And they have laws for bloody everything. I mean do you really need to post in grocery store parking lots that it's illegal to steal the carts? And what's with the $271 fine for driving illegally in the carpool lane? (You could never do that in Chicago - no one would care) So here's my plan. If the $3,500 application fee is just burning a hole in your pocket, why not send it to me? I could make good use out of it, you'd still be out the cash, and you wouldn't be any worse off. Not like you're going to win anyway. Better to give me the cash then let it go to waste by the government of California. They don't need it. Feel free to use that handy dandy PayPal button over to the right there >>>>
Update 08/09/2003 11:33 AM: PayPal link is now to left

<<<<<<

More on Angelina Jolie's Nipples

This topic is really bringing in the links. I've had 3 so far this week in addition to the previous hits for people searching for Ms. Jolie's naughty bits. Here's what gets me. If you were to go to Google and search on this, my blog is on the FOURTH page in. So do people search for this, are disappointed by the previous three pages and decide to click on my blog in the hopes of the ultimate pay off? Are people looking for pictures? Are they writing a thesis paper? If you came to this site looking for Angelina Jolie's nipples, please share your insight, 5's of people are dying to know.

Am I Brilliant or What?

I think this is a pretty cool idea. I have naysayers though, so I'll ask you all. You've probably heard of SimCity, The Sims, etc. How about a game called SimOffice. You have to be the manager and make all kinds of decisions to keep your employees happy. You don't have to worry about making the company money, just being w/in your dept's budget and having moral and productivity high. It could be fun. Or you could do the total opposite and see what ring of hell you can get your department to. Sound like fun? I think so. It could be used as a training tool for real-life managers. Not that I think any of them would actually learn anything from the game, but it's worth a shot, right? So what do you think? Would you pay $29.95 for this game? I mean what's better than coming home from a long day at the office to spend some time running an office of your own? Think Dilbert. Think Office Space.

Change is good. Especially if you work in an arcade.

You may notice that I changed somethings. Figure it out yet? It's the buttons. "Buttons... oh BUTTONS..." Whoa. Animaniacs flashback there. Anyway, I went with the oh-so-popular 80 pixel wide, 15 pixels high buttons. They just look "neater" to me. I'll probably change some more stuff around over the next day or two. Anyway, that's all I have for now. Off to bed for me!

People Are Crazy

Topless 3-year-old makes waves at pool

This is nuts. I'm glad the mother stood her ground and that the cops agreed with her. It's a CHILD. Jeez, my parents have pictures of me and my brother in the tub together at that age. Is that porno? I don't think so, it's just two kids having fun. A pedophile would probably be turned on by a child regardless of what that child was wearing. I suppose we should all cover up with Burquas (sp?) now in case some sicko might be turned on by a forearm. Jeez, and I'm the one on Prozac!!

Blogectomy Part Deux

Had my follow-up appointment today with Dr. Borello about my bump. I'm please to announce that it was a "benign soft tumor". The key word in that being "benign". I don't know about y'all, but I'm happy. In celebration, I donated blood. Actually, the local blood bank asked me two weeks ago to donate blood but I couldn't because we didn't have the results back yet. Anyway, I gave blood. and I encourage everyone who's able to donate to do so as well. I read a statistic while I was there, 75% of people are able to donate, but only 5% do. That's just amazing. Go. Donate Blood. Do so now. In Chicago, go to Lifesource, in other areas, check with the Red Cross.

Just What WOULD Jesus Do?

A man walked into a gift shop that sold religious items. Near the cash register he saw a display of caps with "WWJD" printed on all of them. He was puzzled over what the letters could mean, but couldn't figure it out, so he asked the clerk.

The clerk replied that the letters stood for "What Would Jesus Do", and was meant to inspire people to not make rash decisions, but rather to imagine what Jesus would do in the same situation.

The man thought a moment and then replied, "Well, I'm pretty sure Jesus wouldn't pay $17.95 for one of these caps."

Get out of Debt in three EASY steps

1. Spend less
   
2. Save more
   
3. Don't buy scams that claim to get you out of debt faster and/or can show you how and where to get free money
   

The STARANANGEST dream

I was watching a "Behind the Scenes" for an upcoming movie. I don't remember the name of the movie, though. Anyway, it starred Sigourney Weaver and Tom Hanks. The movie was about professional water-skiers - Like the Tommy Bartlett Show at the Wisconsin Dells- trying to revitalize their sagging careers. VERY ODD. It was all about how the stunts were done, problems with shooting, cast pranks, the usual Behind the Scenes type stuff. I wonder what it means. Maybe it means a Hollywood producer will read my blog today and contact me to buy the rights to such a movie! Maybe monkeys will fly out of my butt.

This is exactly what I'm talking about

This is a short ad posted on a site I frequent. I'm not including the guys name, and have removed parts of his ad to hide identity. OK, to cover my own ass, jeesh. Anyway, here it is:

hi im XXXX and i live XXXXXX. im looking for a woman who loves to be pleased. nothing turns me on more than knowing i am bring you to pure extasy. if u want a man who will pay attention to your whole body and not just 3 spots. than drop me a line i know we can have some fun. all ages r fine i am ver open minded and down to earth and friendly so what ever is on your mind say it i will listen. bye for now

First off, I don't think I need to go over the spelling issue again. Secondly, there's that "all talk" thing again. Third, assuming we are looking for sex. Please. Fourth, I'm trying to figure out where that third spot is, because most men I know of only know of 2 spots unless directed otherwise.

The bad part is, this guy looks kinda cute, and he doesn't live far from me. Sigh. Why do the good ads always live far, far away? I just can't win. I think I'm going to make reservations for my retirement condo at Del Webb's Spinster City today.

SEX SEX SEX

Ha! Made you look! OK, two different people searched for some variation of "Anglelina Jolie Nipples" yesterday and got my site. Interesting. Perhaps I should put some more stuff up about her nipples, or that of other actresses. Or I could talk about my cat's nipples. Talk about useless those things are. First off, Hobbs is a boy, and secondly, he's neutered. A more useless combo of pussy and nipples you could not create. There. That should get the porn hungry weirdos in. Perhaps they'll stop and read my dating tips. :)

Happy Lughnasadh!

OK, actually, it was yesterday. But our grove is celebrating today. For those of you who are wondering "Just what the heck is Lug nas... what?" Here's a short bit I wrote last year:

Lughnasadh is a "cross-quarter" holy day, falling on August 1/August 2. It is the feast of the Celtic god, Lugh. This is the warmest part of the summer, when the land is baking, and farmers are bringing in their first harvest. In Celtic myth, Balor is shining his eye over the land, and Lugh spears Balor, his grandfather, in the eye to stop it, save the land, and his bride from baking to death.

I hope that explains somewhat. It's a Celtic Holiday, the first harvest, the turning point to the end of summer. The second harvest will be at Mabon (Autumn Equinox) and the third harvest will be at the high day of the year, Samhain (Halloween). Pronunciations: Loo-Na-Sa and Sow-en They're Gaelic, so you don't pronounce them like they look. :)
It's also Raven Wood Grove's (that's us) third anniversary as a grove. So, it's a special time where we rededicate the grove. Now, if you're not familiar with the above explanation of this holiday, and know more of the Wiccan version, it's probably because we're not Wiccan. We're Druids. ADF Druids, to be precise. ADF is a Indo-European Druidic Reconstructionist group. For more info, check out their site, the site of our Archdruid Skip Ellison, and that of our founder Issac Bonewits.

More Dating Tips for Guys

OK, some of these are general dating tips, some are online. It's a mixed bag tonight, folks.

• If you do get a date, you pay. End of story. The only exception to this is if a woman adamantly refuses to let you pay for her. Some women are like that. Some will give a week "Oh, you don't have to do that..." and then stop arguing. Most of us will let you pay for the first date without argument.
  
• In relation to the above, let's say we go to the movies. DO NOT ask the box office cashier for a student rate. Exceptions are of course if the you really are in high school or college, etc. This happened to me, I'm not kidding. He asked for two student tickets. OK, um, while he did say "Oh, well, I took a class last semester..." bottom line, he was 30, and hadn't been a full time student in quite awhile. What did this tell me? CHEAP! I'm not a golddigger by any means, but I also do not want to support another unemployed boyfriend, and guys, stuff like that will make us wonder.
  
• Watch your mouth. I admit, I can make a trucker blush with proper incentive. However, I don't sound like dialog from Pulp Fiction on a regular basis. Language like that is just a turn off. Now, I'm not a prude, don't get me wrong, but if I have to worry what you're going to say the first time you meet my friends, chances are, you won't be around long enough to meet them.
  
• Most women are not looking for sex. Most of us have figured out that putting out on the first date is not a good idea. Why? Because you never hear from the guy again. What's my point here? Yes, women have sex drives, though they work a bit different from guys. We will occasionally get horny, and you will be pretty grateful. If this hasn't happened by the third date, don't worry, it may take longer than that, but it will probably be worth it. Bottom line, women can afford to hold out. If we really wanted sex, we could get it. Any day of the week, twice on Sunday. And I mean any woman. Fat, short, tall, skinny, it doesn't matter. We can get it whenever we want it. So you're just going to have to wait. Get over it.
  
• Remember our names. If you aren't sure of it, do not IM us with "Hey, Karen, how's it going?" when our name is Anne. This has happened to me several times. My name is Sabrina. Yes, like the TV show. And the movies. And the cartoon. It isn't too common, so you would think people could remember it. Nope. That's a deal breaker right there.
  
• Assuming makes an ASS out of U, Ming. Don't assume we don't like Star Trek, video games, football, or cars. We just may.
  
• Don't assume we don't know how to play pool. We'll just make you look like an ass after you've carefully explain the rules and then we turn around and beat you.
  
• Have the freaking balls to tell us you are not interested, don't want to see us any more, or it's not working out. Don't just disappear. There's nothing more annoying.
  
• BEFORE the date, clean your car out. Women hate having to wait five minutes while you clean the CDs, McDonald's bags, and Best Buy flyers from your passenger seat. This is just common courtesy.
  
• Farting on the first date is not acceptable without a sincere and abashed apology. After awhile, I personally think that everyone should get used to their SO enough to let farts fly, but not on the first date, OK? Thanks
  

Morning Announcements

I am very pleased to announce that the new Barenaked Ladies CD is set to debut on Tuesday, October 21, 2003. Are you as excited as I am? Of course you are. Why wouldn't you be? BNL is the best thing since microwave popcorn. (that saying will catch on, mark my words, you heard it here first) Golly, I hope this means that they are going on tour again soon. I know they needed a well deserved break, but they FABOO live and I would of course love to see them again. Do you agree? Of course you do.

Wacky Vegetarians

In case you need further proof that Vegetarians are protein-deficient, and therefore, crazy, read this article.

Now this really gets my goat

This kind of stuff breaks my heart. I don't care if the puppy bit him, there's no reason to do this to a dog. And bottom line, it was a PUPPY, a baby, just a little thing, it didn't know better. You teach it, you don't beat it. I hope this guy gets the max allowed.